Nothingness Is Everything And More

I would rather read than do anything else. Today was not great. Tomorrow will be not great. So why do I long so much for the weekend when I am most alone then? I love being alone; I hate it. It is a blessing and a curse all rolled up in one, only to be as simple as it is; not having anyone. As bleak as it sounds, as sad and malignant as it may be, I want this lack of presence to embrace me. I want to walk as a ghost through crowded halls and hellish homes. I can see it now: a gray blip on the radar of hundreds as they scurry around in search of knowledge. Just a faint outline walking nonchalant with both the worriers and the worrisome. I know this is not realistic. That is why I return to my dreams once again tonight. Goodnight.

Amour

You are my beloved, my most trusted.
And every time you look my way you push me further from your day.
But truly, most desperately, I need you in a way that I could never say.
When you enter a room, the smile that loomed, fades away.
The more I think about you the more I cry. I fear I may need to die.
If I am every to catch your sparking eye. If I am to ever been in your life.
So say not that I need to stop this absurd business, because it's listless, my feeling for you, the Only person who can wipe the smile from my face when I see you.
You too may feel blue, but it is nothing compared to what I have experienced in my troubled days.
Where I may have lay in my bed and said, "Please take me away."
I need you to know, I still like the way you walk, the way you talk.
The way you say every little thing in the most peculiar way.
But this day is not the day to tell you because on this day, like the rest.
You are happy and I am sad.
I dare not reverse that.

Sunny Delight!

Every time you get near me, you push me away. I like you, but you are going to need to clarify on what is supposed to happen when, well, you know. And when, that too. See it's all a bunch of inconsistent, no that's not the right word. It's like when your frien

I'll leave it at that.

Predictability

Purely from an objective view, I look back on the the greater area that we inhabit and, to my surprise, I find that we seek the most complexity possible. How can someone so intricate and detailed in every way, shape, form, and fashion, discover the next person. Is it not a formidable task to discover oneself? Must we seek to interact with those who we encounter in a day to day setting? I think NOT! But we do. We are sometimes more interested in others that ourselves, or even vice-versa. How do we find this middle, because I am struggling, inverting from one to another. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on the world and still find times to explore myself. I think, though I have never gone through this before, that I am at a point where self exploration is inexhaustible and better yet, designed to be explored now. Although I have these notions, it doesn't appear they are right. Stop pushing me to explore the world when for the last decade I have been accomplishing that very feat (with limited success). I just want a break, possibly long enough to determine what and who I am/ who I want to be. It's as simple as that. Change is coming. I can feel it.

Hall

Conform if you must. I refuse to follow the crowd. I only hope someone notices me for doing so. Not only notices me, admires my noble cause. I loath those who take it sitting down and complain of being wronged. Not I. As proactive as I can be, I will hold steadfast to my cause. As worthy as I seem, I am not as strong as you. I have waited over two years for this one moment, the brief seconds measured in steps, words, and breaths. You are more breath taking than I could have ever imagined, and yet, I know this will surmount to nothing. Unlike me, you have someone to hold you through these cold winter months. It saddens me though to think if this were not true, if you would truly wonder into my arms, because I doubt it. Our brier encounter is nothing compared to the years accumulated by others. I simply took in your beauty as you watched. I don't know what you know any more, but I'm sure you are just as scared as I am, not because we share common feelings, but because you don't and I still do. I feel pathetic holding on for all this time. I only wish you the best, and me not to get hurt.